CHRISTIAN NEWS MAGAZINE FOR KERALA MALAYALEE CHRISTIANS FROM INDIA AROUND THE WORLD
AUGUST 2005 MONTHLY BIBLE QUIZ
VOL:4 ISSUE:08

Bible Quiz No : AUGUST 2005

There are 10 Questions in the Bible Quiz. You can fill up any number of questions you wish and fill in your details and then click the Submit Button

1. At which place Pauls shaved his head as per a vow?:
2. What was the name of father of prophet Ezekiel?:
3. After how many days from the Animals and fowls entered the Ark, the flood came on earth?:
4. At what age of Abraham God appeared to him?:
5. At which place God appeared to Issac, son of abraham? :
6. At which place Adonijah declared himself as the King when David became old and sick?:
7. From which King Solomon hired a skilled designer for building Temple? :
8. To which city of Judeah Apostle Philiph belonged to?:
9. During which feast Jesus drove away merchants of oxen, sheep and doves and money changers with a scourge from temple of Jerusalem?:
10. As per St. Paul, which Apostles were known as pillar of the Church?:




Answers to Bible Quiz No : (JULY 2005 )

1. After what age of Noah, his sons Shem, Ham, and Japheth?: Five Hundred Years [Genesis 5:32]
2. During the reign of which king prophet Zechariah had the word of God?: Darius [Zecheriah 1:1]
3. Capernaum was on the border of which places? : Zabulon and Nephthalim [Matthew 4:13]
4. After his son Seth was born, for how many years Adam lived? : Eight hundred years [Genesis 5:4]
5. As per Gospel of Matthew, how many generations were passed from Abraham to Christ?: Fortytwo [Matthew 1:17]
6. At what age of Abram, his name was changed as Abraham? : Ninety Nine [Genesis 17:5]
7. At which place Solomon was anointed as King of Israel and successor of David?: Gihon [First Book of Kings 1:33]
8. At which city, Elisha purified the water which caused death earlier, by putting salt in it? : Jerico [Second Book of Kings 2:21]
9. Name of which son of Jacob had come in the lineage of Jesus as per St.Matthew?: Judah [Gospel According to St.Matthew 1:2]
10. To which country, Titus, companion of Paul belonged to?: Greek [Epistle of St.Paul to Galatians 2:3]
We thank and appreciate all those who attempted this Quiz. Please attempt  the new Quiz  this issue. 

Winners of this Quiz will be published in next issue.

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HUMOUR:
SARDARS IN ROME:

Compiled by Wilson C.K. Vikhroli, Mumbai

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sardars had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sardar community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sardar community. If the Sardar win, the Sardars could stay. If the Pope, win, the Sardars would leave. The Sardars realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle aged man named Santa Singh to represent them. Santa Singh asked for one addition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate came.

Santa Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Santa Singh looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Santa Singh pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Santa Singh pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, -I give up. This man is too good. The Sardars can stay.

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what had happened. The Pope said, first I held up three fingers to represent the trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?

Meanwhile the Sardar community crowded around Santa singh, What happened? They asked. Well, said Santa Singh, First he said to me that the Sardars had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sardars. I let him know that we were staying right here. Yes, yes, and then??? asked the crowd. I don't know, said Santa Singh, He took out his lunch, and I took out mine.

LETTER OF GOBIND:

Compiled by Wilson C.K. Vikhroli, Mumbai

This is a letter send to gobind sing who studying in mumbai from his mom:
Vahe Guru. I am in a well here and hoping you in the same well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles. I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address Plate here, so that our address will remain same too. This place is really nice.It even has a washing machine, situated right above the commode. I m not sure it works. Last week I put in 3 shirts,pulled the chain and havent seen them since. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery. By the way I took bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in this club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove? Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle, Jetinder fell in a the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfil his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried at sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father. There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened. P.S : Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.

ENGLISH LESSONS:

Compiled by Steffy A John, Nizwa , Sultanate of OMAN

Once a North Indian Chief Minister went to an English teacher and asked her to teach him English so that he could speak to Bill Clinton. The teacher told him that she would teach him. Then the teacher told, "As you go there you should ask him how you are?" He will say that he is fine. Then you should say him "Me too". Then CM said "Thank you" and returned to his house. The next day he went to America. There he met Bill Clinton and by mistake CM asked "Who are you ?" Then Bill Clinton thought "What, this man doesn't know who I am?" Then he said, "I am Hillary Clinton's husband". Then CM replied "Me too".

PRAY ALWAYS:

Compiled by Varghese Mathai, Ajman, United Arab Emirates

While drunkard on his confession asked the priest father after prayer every day I used to drink. Then the priest warned him you should not do it and it is a sin. Another man on his confession asked Father is it good to pray while taking alchohol. Yes prayer in your all moment of life is good. The subject question is ‘Is drinking alchohol is a sin?’. But when the same matter is presented in different way, refused and accepted.

NEW COLLEGE LECTURER:

Compiled by Wilson C.K, Vikhroli, Mumbai

A Typical Professor: This seems a true incident which happened in a college A new lecturer was unable to control the class. The guys were just talking without giving any attention to him. So he wanted to send a guy who was creating most of the problem out. But he doesn't know how to put it in English..
He went near the guy shouted "follow me" .The guy followed him till he went out of the class.
Now the lecturer turned back and again shouted "Don't follow me" and went inside the class...
Prof. Bihar Inside the Class :
* Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
* Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in..
* Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.
* Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away in the corridor
* You, meet me behind the class. ( meaning AFTER the class .)
* Both of u three, get out of the class.
* Close the doors of the windows please .. I have winter in my nose today ...
* Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
* Take 5 cm wire of any length.... Professor
# About his family :
* I have two daughters. Both of them are girls...(?)
# At the ground :
* All of you, stand in a straight circle.
* There is no wind in the balloon.
# To a boy, angrily :
* I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk ?
# Giving a punishment :
* You, rotate the ground four times...
* You, go and under-stand the tree...
* You three of you, stand together separately.
* Why are you late - say YES or NO ...(?)
# Sir at his best :
* Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to
*see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them.
*So the next day at school... (to that boy ) - " Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre"

CHORKA:

Compiled by Suneet Varghese Kundara

After the Good Friday service, a priest told the people "now, all drink your share of choruka and go home happily."

ENGLISH IS A FOREIGN LANGUAGE BUT NOT INDIAN COW:

Compiled by George Abraham, MD, FACP & V. Susan George, MD
1 Saxon Lane Shrewsbury, MA 01545-1650

Enjoy a bit of Lalloo English !

It takes all sorts as they say. Well, this essay was written by a candidate for the IAS entrance exams, somewhere in Bihar. This is a true unaltered copy of his essay on the Indian Cow.


Indian Cow

This is the cow. The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, and because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when he is got child.] He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. Hiswhole body can be utilised for use.More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [ horses dont have any such attachment]. What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth.Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species.Also his other motion.. gober, is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes[like Pizza ] , in hand , and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards.He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side.This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts . His eyes and nose are like his other relatives.
This is the cow.......


The 2 Cow System:
SOCIALISM: You have two cows. You keep one and give the other to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The Government takes both and shares the milk with you and your neighbor.
FASCISM: You have two cows. You give the milk to the government and they sell it back to you.
NAZISM: Government shoots you and takes both your cows.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You milk them and pour the lot down the drain to keep the price up.
SADISM: You have two cows. You shoot them both and drown yourself in the milk.
APARTHEID: You have two cows. You give the black cow's milk to the white cow to drink and don't milk the white cow.
WELFARE STATE: You have two cows. You milk them and give them the milk to drink.
ANARCHISM: You have two cows. The cows shoot you and milk each other.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. You fill in 17 forms in triplicate and you don't have time to milk them.
UNITED NATIONS: You have two cows. Russia vetoes the farmer from milking them. Britain and France veto the cows from milking the farmers. USA abstains.
IDEALISM: You have two cows. You marry and your wife milks them.
REALISM: You have two cows. You get married and you still milk them.
COMMONSENSE: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull!

Compiled by John Varghese, New York

A little girl asked her mother for ten cents to give to an old lady in the park.
Her mother was touched by the child's kindness and gave her the required sum.
"There you are, my dear," said the mother.
"But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?"
"Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells sweets"

A couple, desperate to conceive a child, went to their priest and asked him to pray for them.
"I'm going on a sabbatical to Rome," he replied, "and while I'm there, I'll light a candle for you."
When the priest returned three years later, he went to the couple's house and found the lady pregnant,
busily attending to two sets of twins.
Elated, the priest asked her where her husband was so that he could congratulate him.
"He's gone to Rome, to blow that candle out" came the harried reply.

Teacher to a student: "Can you think of a solution to end unemployment?"
"Yes, sir! I'd put all the men on one island and the women on another."
"And what would they be doing then?"
"Building boats!"

A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect mate:
"I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports, and enjoys group activities."
Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin."

Q: What kind of witch goes to the beach?
A: Sandwich

When the fellow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depended on room size and number of people.
"Do you take children?' the man asked.
"No, sir" replied the clerk. "only cash and credit cards."

Compiled by: Fr.Kurien Daniel, Thiruvalla, Kerala

1. A priest while walking through a street of the place found an ass lying dead. He approached the municipal authorities and reported the matter. The authorities mocked at him and said don't you know that it is the duty of a priest to bury the dead? 

Priest immediately replied, Yes I do know that, but it is my duty to inform the relatives before I bury the ass.

2. An ass heard the voice of the bird nightingale when it sung and the sound of its song pleased him verymuch.He asked "tell me what is your food so that your voice is so sweet?" The bird replied, "my food is due and air."Inorder to imitate that sweet voice, the ass opened its mouth against the due  till it died of hunger.

3. A Sunday school teacher (male) taught the students that the number of women are few in heaven.One of the students asked "TEACHER, WHY IT IS SO ?"Teacher replied, "There is a rule in heaven that everyone who live there should observe five minutes silence on every day".  

Compiled by: Mrs. Aleyamma Chacko Mathen , Philadelphia, USA

"A DOG NEVER BITES A MAN WHO SMOKES; THIEF WILL NEVER COME
TO A SMOKERS' HOUSE; THOSE WHO SMOKES NEVER GROW OLD." 
A Turkish man was shouting this at the market to sell cigarettes. There was much crowd before his shop and the cigarettes sold fast.

A young man approached and asked him, " Sir why you deceive the people with blunt lies?"

The Turkish -vendor very casually replied "A dog never bites a smoker  because he will have a walking stick in his hand for a support without which he cannot walk."
"A thief never comes to a smoker's house because he will be coughing continuously in the nights 
Which will make the thief think that somebody is awake."
"A smoker never grows old because even before he is old, he will die."
"Then how dare you say I am a liar ."  The young man disappeared immediately 
Further reading suggested- (Romans 12:1)

SUNDAY SCHOOL JOKES:

Compiled by Jenin John, Philadelphia, USA

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining all the commandments to the children the teacher asked them 'Which are the commandments we studied today. Tom stood up half asleep and answered 'You should not kill the Sunday School Teacher.'

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Christina replied, "Because we should not disturb the people who are sleeping."

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."
___________________________________________________________________________________________

WHY A WEEKLY DOSE?

 "A merry heart does good like a medicine" Proverbs 17:22

What Bible Says?

Good humor  truly is medicine to the soul. Humor can ease tension, relieve uncomfortable or embarrassing situations, change attitudes, generate love and understanding. Humor adds sparkle to life. A properly developed sense of humor is sensitive to others' feelings and is flavored with kindness and understanding.

1. See How Humor Helps Us Face Problems

Pressures and problems can build up in all of us until we feel like exploding in anger or tears. We know the safety valve of a pressure cooker releases the excess steam thru a safety valve , which keeps the pressure cooker from exploding .Likewise one safety valve the Lord has given us  is a sense of humor. Use that sense and release your tensions before an explosion!!! 


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